fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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