Will you blow on my dice?
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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