You really coming over, don't trick.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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