apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
