I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
