I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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