I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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