I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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