Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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