he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
