Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
