The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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