so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
