So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
