I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
