If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
