went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize