He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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