Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
