We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I met the friendliest cop last night
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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