I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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