You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
