If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
