so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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