oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize