Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
