I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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