If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
