fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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