toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So drunk its hurt
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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