Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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