I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
