Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
