remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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