you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
the raccoons are back...
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