Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
