i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My dad is sitting where you rode me
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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