I think I died a long time ago.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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