i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
