I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
