I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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