We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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