yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
