Please don't use social media to get back at me.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
