Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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