If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
