I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
