how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
