Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
