Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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