I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
