I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
