Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
