This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
