I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
