why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
