Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
