you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
