No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
