i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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