don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
