You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
this is an emotional support booty call
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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