Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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