Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
