I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
