im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
